inside of the girl's heart

image songs

Relena has two character or image songs song by her voice actress Akiko Yajima: Ai wa Mada Nakanai (Love I Shall Not Cry Yet) and Zutto Himitsu (Total Secret). In this section, I want to analyze the songs and what they mean to Relena's character during the tv series.

Zutto Himitsu (Total Secret)
Whatever word it may be, I remember it
They are all shut in my heart
Without even spilling so much as a little memory
I put on chains and from now on they are treasures
If the freedom to stay beside you
Comes out of my lips I'd seem broken I'd be scared
As long as it's a total secret no one knows of
Loving you this much, that is happiness
Untold feelings I can't trust in my shaking heart
A long shadow falls
From afar I think of only one
I shall embrace this sad but wonderful distance
Towards the endless skies borne by those shoulders
The journey is painful
Even if you do not notice me nor embrace me
I shall smile, now I want to gaze at you
As long as it's a total secret no one knows of
Loving you this much, that is happiness
There are nights when alone, I clutch my knees wanting to weep
When we meet again tomorrow, I'll surely meet you with a smile...

Both of Relena's image songs deal with love. And specifically, they are songs about her feelings toward Heero and his affect on her. This first four lines of Total Secret are her talking about the way Heero has started to bring new things into her life, and those experiences either small or large are very dear to her. She wants to always remember her time together with him, may those be good or bad. Eveything he does helps to change her life for the better.

Relena wishes to stay beside Heero. She wants to find that strength he holds in herself, but is afraid that he'll just run away, which he does numerious times. (And she tries to stop when she makes him promise to tell her before he leaves the Cinq Kingdom) So she doesn't want to tell him she needs to be close to him, in case he disappears once more. So she'll continue to keep her feelings about Heero to herself. Just loving him from a distance, without him or anyone else knowing is enough to give her happiness.

Relena really does feel a deep connection and love towards Heero. They are so strong, that she isn't even sure if she can trust herself with keeping them secret. So when Heero goes away again, her thoughts always travel back to him. Much like in the series, she can been seen saying his name to herself. Even though is it sad for her to be so far away from him, she is happy enough loving him from a far. If he was always around her, maybe she couldn't keep her feelings a secret forever. And the last thing she would ever want to do it hold him back or burden him with her feelings.

She watches Heero leave again, and she knows the battles he has to endure are a heavy burden for him to bare. Even though Heero might not feel the same way she does, that's ok with her. She isn't going to force her feelings onto him and she isn't going to cry. Just seeing him and being around him is enough.

There are times when Relena feels helpless and weak, but it's Heero that is able to give her strength to go on tomorrow and smile. As in episode 30 when he and Quatre came to Cinq, she truely smiled for the first time that Noin had been able to notice. Heero is able to rid Relena of her sadness and make her hopefull for a new day.

Ai wa Mada Nakanai (Love I Shall Not Cry Yet)
Your eyes
That do not even glance back at me
Even if I follow them, it is sad
My heart shakes
Ah... But I want to believe
Ah... Gentle thoughts
Love I shall not cry yet
Even if I am just staring
For there are no lies
In this romance
I shall not cry from the pain
By thinking of you
I only want to be stronger
Than I was yesterday
Setting my sights on dreams, I fight
Like you
I shall not be defeated by things
Such as tears
Ah... Such days that go straight ahead
Ah... I want to be proud of them
Love I shall not cry yet
This thought I embrace
Now only goes on to turn
Into living courage
I shall not cry from the sorrow
For surely anytime
In this heart
Yes, you are there

Heero doesn't look at her, which her heart so badly wants. Even when she tries to look at the things he does, it only makes her sad. It's the battlefield and the war that he is drawn to. Even with all the love she feels for him, she can't stop him from going into battle, or make him look at her instead. She can't hold him back or protect him, he'd someone she's unable to grasp and keep beside her.

She wants to believe that Heero is a kind person, even if he continues to fight. He is not a cold-blooded soldier, but the good, gentle person that she believes he is.

Relena will not let her unrequited feelings for Heero stop her from continuing to love him. They are both very honest people, and she won't lie to herself to try and hid her feelings. She is only trying to find her own strength by thinking about him, and changing from the type of person she used to be.

She will fight like Heero does, but in her own way. She wants to achieve her dream of peace in the world, with no more wars or weapons. She won't let small things hold her back anymore, because she's trying to be stronger now. She doesn't want to be that helpless little girl Heero found on that beach anymore. Relena wants to be proud of the future that she will help create, a world with no more wars.

Relena will let herself grow and become a strong and couragous person. She can continue to hold onto these feelings and grow, because she has this love for Heero in her heart the whole time.